As a teacher of yoga and yogic practices, it is quite common for people to come up to me after my classes and ask for specific advice or practices related to a certain ailment.  Typically, they’ll run through the gamut of heart disease, diabetes, arthritis, stress, injuries, and a variety of others as well.  For which I guide them through select practices or refer them to helpful resources.  However, every once in a while, someone will muster enough courage and approach me with the challenges they face with depression.

A Unique Challenge

Depression is a disease that can deceptively make it’s way into our lives without us even realizing it, until it’s so ingrained within us that we forget how to bring ourselves back.  Depression is a state that we’ve all had a taste of.  For some it becomes an acquired taste and can even turn into a severe addiction.  Just like how some of us may remember our first taste of wine.  It was probably a moment where our faces squirmed with a bit of disgust and distaste.  Yet, no matter how unpleasant it was, we still chose to take on more and more of it until we acquired a taste for it.  Perhaps we moved forward, because it was socially accepted or because the people around us were wine drinkers, it seemed ‘natural’.  It goes without say, that in small doses wine can have it’s respective benefits, though having larger amounts like killing a full bottle single-handedly within a few hours is probably going to override any positive effects with harmful consequences.

I give this example simply because depression on it’s own is not a bad thing.  It may be a bitter emotion or state for us; an unpleasant experience, but in small doses it is actually quite helpful.  As humans we’re naturally programmed with emotions both pleasant and unpleasant.  The pleasant ones such as joy, gratitude, love are indicators that we’re moving in line with our life’s mission.  Unpleasant emotions such as anger, fear, depression exist to indicate that we’re moving away from who we really are.  Keep in mind when I say joy, I mean genuine moments of bliss, not the ‘fake’ joy we experience after obtaining ego-driven pursuits.

Nevertheless, for some of us, we fail to be aware and recognize this state of depression and hence it becomes an acquired taste at heavier doses, and eventually an addictive state where we see no light at the end of the tunnel.  Sometimes this is a result of being around the company of depressed or low energy individuals.  As we’re constantly surrounded by this draining influence, we soon begin to accept this deep low energy state as natural and open the doors for ourselves to fall victim to it for extended periods of time.  Or even if we don’t accept it, just having this influence around us sucks us right back to a miserable state.

Where to Begin?

How do we overcome this?  First lets understand how depression works pertaining to our mind and thoughts.  In a depressed state, the thoughts an individual has are predominantly focused on what is not right at this moment.  It could be thoughts of betrayals, frustration, powerlessness and other debilitating constructs.  Yet, what we need to be most mindful of is that it’s a constant flow of these thoughts.  When our mind is dedicated to this train of thought, it’s quite obvious that it becomes difficult to think about anything beyond these energy draining thoughts.  Physiologically, we experience this ‘low energy’ state as our continuous debilitating thoughts cause higher levels of cortisol to be released into our system.  Cortisol is a hormone which is released by our adrenal glands in response to stressful situations.  It’s a vicious cycle that begins with our predominant thoughts.  Our thoughts affect our emotions, and our distressed emotions cause the body to react to this ’stressful situation’ by releasing this hormone into the system.  Wash, Rinse & Repeat.

By now you’ve probably picked up on the idea that depression starts with our thoughts.  So why not target the thoughts and turn the tables on depression rather than going for that Prozac or Zoloft pill?

Turning the Table on Depression

Here are three simple ways in which we can achieve the art of turn-table-ism on depression:

1) Our environment – I always say that we are 100% responsible for our thoughts and emotions.  Yet sometimes the individuals who we surround ourselves with are in such a low energy state themselves, that it becomes very easy for us to be susceptible to depressing thoughts.  If we can’t control our thoughts in that environment, then at least we must be responsible for taking ourselves out of this caustic setting.  Some may counter with how their work environment is full of energy draining people and they can’t control it.  To which I say, NO, we do have control and can just as easily choose to get out of that setting.  Nobody is forcing us to be in a depressing setting.  There are no handcuffs nor cement walls and iron bars.  Ultimately it’s our responsibility to put ourselves in an environment which can foster the best growth and positive reinforcement in our lives.

2) Our Thoughts – If it’s our thoughts which are at the root of the problem, then why not target those pesky thoughts?  The main goal we must achieve is to break the constant train of self-defeating thoughts that are passing through our mind at an accelerated pace.  A good exercise we can involve ourselves in daily is to simply write down 5 things which snuck their way into our day that made us content or happy.  If we really look back on our day, there are ALWAYS 5 things which were awesome about our day.  Perhaps it was the crazy outfit you saw some guy wearing on the street which made you wonder what type of cigarettes he’s been smoking, or maybe that chapstick you thought you lost fortuitously appearing in your pant pocket, or even just the wonderful feeling of taking your shoes and socks off after a long tiring day.  Simple things, notice them, appreciate them, embrace them.  Our lives are not completely in the toilet as we are sometimes lead ourselves to believe.

3) Our Food – We’ve all heard the saying, ‘Garbage in, Garbage out’.  It couldn’t be more true with respect to food.  What we put into our bodies has a direct effect on our thoughts and how we feel.  I had heard the saying many times before, but it hit me smack in the face when I came across this concept through my yoga teacher, Sri Dharma Mittra.  He basically said that the quality of nutrients we put into our body will greatly affect our overall mood and state of happiness.  What I learned from him is that food has an energetic property that cannot be measured with any modern tools.  Thoughts are a form of energy, and when animals go to the slaughterhouse, the thoughts of fear and suffering remain as energetic footprints in the resulting meat.  By ingesting meat, we’re essentially taking on this caustic vibe within ourselves.  However, this is not a vegetarian/non-vegetarian debate.  It’s merely a view on transference of energy.  Even for those who have a vegetarian diet, they are not completely free from this phenomena either.  Since we’ve established that humans have thoughts as well, even the best vegetarian food prepared by an angry, depressed or suicidal person can contain these harmful energy footprints.  It’s my strong guess that food prepared in this manner causes us to have bizarre thoughts which we believe to ‘pop out of nowhere’.  How can we counter this?  Before each meal, simply take a few moments by raising both palms of our hands facing down, holding them a few inches above our food and send positive and grateful thoughts for the meal we’re about to have.  Though it may not completely purify our food, it will infuse a positive energetic imprint nonetheless.  This is why I believe many cultures say ‘Grace’ or ‘Prayers’ before they have a meal.  To counter the harmful energy which may lie in our food.  This is indeed something that can be tested by us through our own experimentation.  Sample a change in diet and/or implement this moment of grace before a meal, and examine the overall state of our thoughts and how we feel.  Being a skeptic myself, it’s by experimenting that led me to my own discoveries on this issue.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, depression is something that will always invade our life from time to time.  It’s a state that nature has designed to indicate we need to change/modify our way of life or direction we’re going in.  If you’re experiencing depression right now, realize that it’s a temporary state in which you have the power to get out of.  Just how darkness cannot hold it’s power in the presence of light.  The darkness we feel we’re in can be immediately dispelled by taking our focus on the light, and leave the darkness to be completely powerless.

A few years ago, I was a fresh-out-of-college dude coming from a small engineering school with aspirations to make my mark in the Corporate World.  The after affects of 9/11 were still fresh in people’s memories and the economy in the process of recovering from it’s many shambles.  In other words, jobs were hard to come by.  The last thing that I thought would be possible was to land a job with the premier Investment Bank on the planet.. Goldman Sachs.  Yet, somehow it happened.  Though the events that led up to getting a job didn’t follow a conventional route.

The Stupid Me
The way that the GS application procedure works, especially for college graduates, is through an online application system.  I found it quite irritating at first, as I’d much rather send them a piece of paper and pray that I get 5 seconds of a recruiters time.   So I went to work.  I made sure to polish my resume, enhance and highlight my strong points, include the awards and honors that I had won and of course add the ever critical Rock-Climbing and Skiing in my ‘Extracurriculars’ section.  I had everything in place and my personal statement was free from spelling errors and grammatical mistakes.  ‘Click’ Submit!

Two weeks later I get a reply in which the first line of the email read.  ‘Thank You for your interest……’  Sigh..  Those are five words that you never want an email or letter addressed to you to commence with.  It reminded me of the replies I received for my ambitious college applications to Harvard, Yale and MIT.  The recruiters at GS must have been from those schools, because the denial letters from those colleges started in the same fashion.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t read beyond those five words.  Why draw out the agony of defeat with politically correct paragraphs aimed at providing a gentle letdown?

So what did I do?  I thought to myself, how can I make myself more qualified?  Obviously Rock-Climbing and Skiing didn’t cut the mustard.  At this point, I had already been rejected many times over through the on-campus recruiting process.  Apparently Cisco Systems, Citigroup, Hamilton Sunstrand, and L’Oreal all thought I wasn’t worthy as well.  Though I suspect the latter gave me the boot for picking up the scent of Alberto VO5 on me.  Dumb move on my part.

Me and My Roommate Sagar before an Interview

Qualifying Myself
In the summer of the Northeast Blackout, my life was pretty much in the dark as well.  In the midst of failed interviews and attempts to find a job, even the one ’sure bet’ I had with the company I interned for two summers in a row, raised their hands and said they weren’t hiring.  Oy Vey!  The only other option I had left was to continue with getting higher education and enrolled in a Masters Degree program in Information Systems with my Alma Mater, good ‘ol Stevens Institute of Technology.

Further Qualifying Myself
The world works in unexpected ways.  Two months into my Graduate studies, I learned about the powerful lesson of ‘Letting Go’.  I got a JOB!  I believe that as soon as I let go of the incessant neediness of getting the final result (a job), the world was happy to give it up to me.  Now the problem was do I quit school and take the job or keep school and dump the full-time gig?  After the serve and volley of those questions in my mind, I found a better option.  I chose both!  Luckily, this was the ‘perfect job’ for me as it allowed me the flexibility to maintain a 40-hour work schedule (including nights) and a full semester courseload at Stevens.  Yes indeed, the world does work in strange ways.

Patience Pays a Big Paycheck
After waiting nearly a year, I once again applied to a gazillion places having the confidence of a revamped resume with additional work experience, personal references and another degree in the works.  My ‘Extracurriculars’ section also got a boost with ‘Reading about the Human Condition’ as a key player in that space.  At this point I knew I was unstoppable!  Also, everything that led up to this point was a great blessing.  Having gone through numerous mind-numbing interviews, and applications the previous year, I was ready for the recruiting process and going just short of marking black chalk under my eyes, I put on my game face!

With my swagger in overdrive, I certainly did much better this time around with the interviews.  I was invited to many more second rounds and on-site call-ups.  Finally the day arrived where I got an opportunity to have a second round with a premier Investment Bank….. Deutsche Bank!?!  Setting this interview up was a bit awkward, as the office I had to go to for the on-site was very close to the location where I was working full-time.  Being paranoid and insecure at the time behind my false swagger, I was quite fearful of raising the suspicions of my boss and losing the job that I already had.  I had to change my route to the interview and got off one subway stop further away, hoping that I wouldn’t run into anyone I knew.  I wore a suit for the early morning interview.  10 minutes after the interview ended, I had to do my best Superman impression and change into casual work clothes while stuffing my jacket and tie as an unruly mess into my backpack, just before I non-chalantly walked in at work.

The interview had gone very well (from my perspective).  Soon enough I got a call from the Deutsche Bank recruiter!!  No letter/email with the words of death written on it! Yesss!!  The lady on the phone, with her upbeat cheery-ness, told me that I did very well, and that they are considering me amongst a few candidates.  Hmm, OK, I’m cool with that.  I was told to call her back in a week.  Sure enough, one week later, after rehearsing the script of words I would say to the recruiter over and over again, I dialed the number with a bead of sweat creeping up at the brow.  The cheery voice picked up and once again, I was told that they’re still in the selection process and I would be notified ASAP.  Whew.. no worries, I’m still a candidate!  Two days later, I get an email.. “Thank you for your interest….” $%#&!!  I don’t remember what I said at that moment.. but surely a few expletives gracefully blessed the ears of those who were around me.

Within another week or so, I unexpectedly got an email from Goldman Sachs about an interview!!  And just to be sure, I checked for my name.. YES, it was actually addressed to me!  Wow!  My dim view on the dreaded online application process suddenly became a luminous feeling of hope!

Setting Myself Apart from the Rest
At this point, I was already frustrated with the recruiting process for giving me false hope and dancing me around in circles.  I was determined with a sense of insatiable hunger to set myself apart from the rest of the Joe Shmoes this time around.  This was MY job to be had.  All the lessons I learned till this interview culminated beautifully for this one.  Here they are:

Knowing my resume without any hesitations – I think as college students, we want to impress our would be employer with our resume.  Therefore, we load up stuff on that piece of paper with as many keywords as we possibly can.  Even if it’s something we’re not an expert on but sorta/kinda know.  When I looked at my resume, I painstakingly took off items that I knew I couldn’t provide a good answer to.  Java Programming?  Only in my techie dreams..   However, whatever that remained on my CV, I made sure I could reply with a sufficient answer.  I had a CCNA (Cisco Certification) under my belt at the time, so my healthy paranoia made me re-read the entire textbook to make sure I could answer any curve ball thrown my way.  I even had prepared answers for my extracurriculars.

Learning to tell a good story – Along with the preparation, there was another component which I felt was important.  And that was to leave a good story in the mind of the interviewer.  This came about from a lesson I learned from previous interviews.  On one occasion a year prior, I was interviewing for Hamilton Sunstrand.  I had the distinct pleasure of being the first candidate to cause the recruiter to doze off!  Adding insult, the biggest tragedy out of this incident was that my interviewer was an Engineer.  In all it’s glory, I can proudly proclaim that I turned the tables on an Engineer and put him to sleep with my words!!  My tendency to pump out facts without context and intrigue was the culprit that led to my doom.  This time around, I was determined to craft my answers with emotion and zest.  For instance, in my initial GS interview I prepared to highlight my ‘Do what it takes’ attitude.  I talked about how I successfully managed full-time school and work, including how on countless instances I would take night classes followed by a full 9-hour night shift.

Knowing more about the company and interview procedure better than anyone else – Research, Research, RESEARCH!  The thirst to excel, led me to gain as much knowledge about the company, position and process of interviewing.  Fortunately, in the age of the internet, we’re blessed with testimonials from people on their interviewing experiences populating the web.  I certainly navigated my way exhaustively through the ‘Careers’ section on the GS website.  I fondly remember how Goldman profiled a handful of employees and including their take on the various roles/functions they had within the company.  Quite useful.  After scouring vault.com and countless other resources on Goldman Sachs, I armed myself with three sheets of notes and facts about the company.  Ready to deploy them at a moments notice.

Doh! Late for my Interview
My first interview was during a day where GS called in numerous candidates in order to do some landscaping and weed out those who no longer qualify for a second round.  I stepped into the room full of candidates and was slightly taken aback.  To my left, there were guys with greasy hair in Armani threads thumping their Tarzan-like physiques and talking about how they know guys on the Trading Floor and connected to them.  To my right, there were a few pretty girls who had enough leg and necklines on their dresses as if they were about to hit up an exclusive party at a Vegas hotspot.  In front of me, there were students who had Columbia, Yale, and Harvard listed on their dinky name tags involved in some intellectual conversation about the Federal Reserve and Greenspan’s policies.  Then there was me who was dressed up in a bargain suit off the clearance rack of K & B, showing no leg whatsoever (maybe a little sock) with ‘Stevens’ written on my dinky tag.  A bit intimidating to say the least, but I remained focused and in the zone.

The moment had come for the interview, however the time that I arrived for my interview was 30 minutes after my scheduled time!  In the midst of my story making and OCD researching, I totally gaffed on the simplest thing!  The time of my interview!!  The truly sad part is I didn’t even know I was late until the recruiter told me so.. OUCH!  I thought for sure, I was the weed now amongst this green group of candidates that surrounded me.  Boy was I wrong!!  The blessing in disguise here was that now the pressure was off me to do well.  As far as I was concerned, I had already lost the job, so I went into maverick mode and dropped all my fears at the doorstep.

Defined Intentions
In doing my coursework and being in the ‘working world’ for about a year, I knew the type of position I wanted.  A role where I could leverage my tech skills without having to be a hardcore IT guy.  This is where I learned another lesson.  Define your goals, and back them up 100%.  Once I did this, fate stepped in and gave me a hand.  I had two people interviewing me at the same time, and one of them was a woman who worked in a department that could offer me what I wanted!  I later learned that it was she who pulled for me when selection time came around.

Stars were Aligned
During the interview, being late already, I stated my case as best I could and both of my interviewers were completely cool with it.  I can remember it’s something we laughed about during the 30-minute grilling.  However, soon enough things quickly shifted and my resume was torn apart from top to bottom.  I valiantly withstood the complete undressing of my resume by responding with my prepared answers and stories.  I don’t recall what I said, but I remember staying completely present while in the interview.  It wasn’t just a rehearsed set of lines.  At a few points during the interview, by listening to what was asked, my intuition supported me with sharp and perceptive questions to fire back.  Towards the latter half of this mini-hostage situation, I was asked, “What does reading about the Human Condition mean?”  Without skipping a beat, I paused, smiled and went on to speak about the book, ‘Princess: A True Story of Life behind the Veil in Saudi Arabia’.  To be brutally honest, I had read that book in Global Studies as a sophomore in High School, but I truly believe that answering this question was the catalyst that got me to the next round.  My response provided the emphatic exclamation point that I am who I say I am on my resume.

Once again, I have to say the stars were aligned.  As I was called back for a second round of interviews, I was told I’d be interviewing with 6 people.  It was tiring and rigorous, but one thing I can say for sure is that it felt almost as if all the right questions were being asked to me.  One interviewer drew a high-level technical diagram on the board and asked me to show him where the biggest risk lies.  Like before, I smiled and recalled a homework assignment I had just finished in an ongoing class at Stevens, which had us go through a similar exercise.  Another tried throwing a technical curveball and asked about the TCP/UDP header format, to which it was one of the few things I vividly remembered from studying my CCNA textbook two weeks prior.  Somehow, the world worked in a strange way as if I was in the perfect place at the right time.

Concluding Lessons
Even as I write my recollections of this topsy-turvy time for me, I am amazed at the lessons and significance of each and every moment that occurs in our life.  Without the numerous failures, the countless frustrations with recruiters and insecurity of feeling, “I’m not good enough”, through all of it, it was laid out perfectly.  It was a series of events that fell in line at the right time and allowed me to grow as a person.  To allow me to learn the appropriate lessons I needed to, and then move on.

I urge all of us, to look back at the events and circumstances that have brought us to where we are now.  What are the points that drive home the message for you?  How does the story unfold in your own success?

“Excuse me Miss.. I’ve strolled through these aisles on countless occasions, but today, I simply feel as if I’m in a maze,” said the petite woman with a quizzical look on her face

“Um.. How can I assist you today?”  Replied the blonde haired woman as she steadied her grip on the healthy stack of books which she cradled in front of her..

After initiating the conversation, the petite lady planted her feet, pressed her lips together and took a deep breath, “Sighhhhh”, she continued “Well.. I have a dilemma… tomorrow is my brother-in-law’s birthday party, and I haven’t gotten him anything yet.  I really need to find him something.”

The woman with the books, shifted them to her left side and turned sideways to the concerned woman.  Leaning back slightly to keep the books up, she glanced to her right side and questioned, “well.. what type of books does he like?”

The frequent customer, shifted her face as if in deep thought and took her eyes upwards.. after a few moments, she replied.. “Well.. I know he’s an avid reader, but now that I think about it, I’ve also seen a massive set of music CD’s at my sister’s place.. so perhaps I could get him a few CD’s to add to his collection”

As the store employee shifted the books to her other side this time, her name tag peeked out from behind the books.  It read, ‘Patty’.

After planting her feet once again, Patty answered, “Oh ok, we have a whole music area just behind the ‘Arts & History’ section” as she pointed her chin to the East-wing of the store.  “You’ll surely find what you’re looking for over there”

“Ah.. Thank You Miss.. I appreciate it.” Replied the satisfied woman as the look of confusion melted away from her face.. “Have a great day!”

“Thank You! And enjoy the party tomorrow!” said Patty as she smiled and walked towards her next destination.

After the passing through the worlds of , ‘Languages’, ‘Self-Help’, ‘Biology’, ‘Cooking’ and ‘Art & History’, the determined sister-in-law finally ventured into the land of ‘Music’.

She made it this far, and soon enough the look of worry captured her face once again.  She thought to herself, “Oh my.. what type of music does Kevin like?  I never even bothered to look at his music collection in much detail….  I wish I could call my sister, but her phone broke yesterday…”  “Sighhhh.. what now?” as the woman gave a defeated exhale..

Upon observing this woman in distress, a cute dark-haired girl decided to investigate.  She walked up from the woman’s left side and tilted her head to her left as she gazed slightly upward in curiosity.. “Is everything ok?”

The petite woman, being taken aback by this approach, snapped out of her defeated trance and as she gathered herself replied, “Oh no.. nothing.. it’s just I want to get my brother-in-law some music CD’s.. but I have no clue what type of music he likes.”

“Hmm.. well, what is your brother-in-law’s favorite thing to do?” countered the brunette girl in her detective-like tone…

“Now let me see…” said the concerned sister-in-law as she gently massaged her chin in deep introspection… “I do know that he is a big fan of Yoga… my sister says that he goes to a nearby yoga studio almost every day.. that’s his biggest passion.” Answered the woman.

“Ahh Ok.. I have an idea about what he may like.. here follow me..” said the brunette girl as she signaled the woman with her index finger and commenced deeper into the music section..

After crossing a few aisles and a couple of rows of CD’s, the determined girl came to a stop and taking a moment or two to browse through a stack of music.  Having found the one she was looking for.. she quickly pulled it out of the stack and brought the CD next to her face like a tv-model and energetically declared, “Here it is.. He’ll LOVE this one..”

Looking at the CD as if it was a foreign object, the woman cautiously took the rectangular case from the girl’s hand into her own and quizzically said.. “Krr… Kree… Kreeshna Dass?.. Umm.. Who’s he?”

The smiling girl’s face lit up and began with her unique and delightful accent.. “Trust me.. if your brother-in-law is into yoga.. I guarantee you that he’ll be thrilled to receive this as a gift.”  Continuing as she widened her trademark smile.. “As a matter of fact.. give him two!”

At this point, without even inspecting the CD cover further, the woman was sold on giving her brother-in-law these Krishna Das CD’s, primarily due to the enthusiasm and excitement with which this charming young woman presented them to her.. “You know what.. I’ll take your recommendation and buy these for him!  Thank You!”

“You’re most welcome, I was glad that I could help you out..” replied the charismatic young woman..

The woman, excited with what she got, felt inclined to give her ‘helper angel’ a hug and proceeded to do so.  Both women shared the moment of embrace and in parting, the woman once again replied.. “Thank you so much! Have a great Day!” as she took her CD’s and made way towards the cash register.

Having felt that she had done her “Good Samaritan” Deed of the day, the young brunette woman decided that her actions were deserving of a reward.  However, she paused for a moment as she thought about what she could do to celebrate.  In this moment, a heavenly scent of caramel took hostage of her nose and immediately struck a craving for a deliciously warm cup of a Caramel Latte.  She turned to her right and started hot on the trail towards the source of this caramel goodness.  Not even aware of who or what section she passed, the delightful brunette let her sense of smell lead and float her away to her desired destination.  Her reliable sense led her all the way to the counter of this caramel haven.

“What do you want?” exhorted an emotionless voice from behind the counter.

Taken aback by having her blissful experience completely disrupted, she managed to muster.. “Excuse me?”

“What do you want Ms.?… Your order?” retorted that cold, masculine voice.

“Oh” she muttered as she began to collect herself.  “I’d like to have a tall caramel latte”, she said contently.

“Sure, anything else?” came back the reply.

“No that’s it”… the young woman answered.  However, as she scanned the area around the cash register, her eyes set upon a container of individually wrapped miniature chocolate hearts, but before she could say anything further, the voice from behind the counter proclaimed, “That’ll be $2.60.”

As that statement dropped, disappointingly, so did the chocolate idea..

The young brunette paid the exact amount and glided over to the adjacent counter to pick up her well-deserved beverage.

“Caramel Latte!” addressed another voice behind the counter, which signaled the woman to her anxiously awaited drink.

She gingerly grabbed the hot cup with both hands and caught a glimpse of Heaven as she sensuously waved the cup under her nose.  Her experience was hit with reality as she realized that she was standing in the middle of the café mesmerized by the contents of her paper cup.

So she decided to get herself situated in order to savor her drink from a seated position, out of the view of the entire public.  After quickly scanning the floor plan, she locked in on her target; a plush black suede couch tucked away in the corner, and went in for the kill.  The young woman marked her territory by plopping down her handbag, disrobing her winter jacket and placing it around the couch.

The young brunette cushioned herself into her seat, picked up her beverage, loosened up her lips and began to tenderly blow cool air onto her cup in order to bring the temperature from ‘scorching’ down to ‘just right’.

Thirty seconds elapsed and committing herself to go for the kill, she elevated the cup closer to her lips by making contact, yet withholding a sip.  The voice inside of her urged herself to go further and complete the sip.  She agreed with the voice and began to lift the cup higher.

“Hiiiiiiiii Betaaaa!!!!” came a squeaky and thunderous voice, taking the young girl out of her experience.

Wide-eyed and in a daze, the young brunette raised her head and turned to her left side to see standing in front of her a familiar, yet inflated balloon-like Aunty.  A friend of her mother’s that she hadn’t seen in three years.

“How vaar yuuu!?!?, I saw you from the distance and thought I must say ‘Hi!’  It’s been so long since vee lasht met!” proclaimed the aunty.

“Oh.. hi”, replied the girl as she dejectedly put her caramel goodness back down.  “Yes, it has been almost 4 years I believe.” trying to recollect their last encounter.

Completely, unguarded and unprepared for the onslaught, the dark-haired girl was soon bombarded with a multitude of questions in rapid fire:

“What are you doing now?”, “Are you studying?”, “Are you doing job?”, “How is your mother?”, “Did you hear about my daughter’s award?”, “How old are you now?”

The young woman, overwhelmed by the barrage of questions, was holding on strong, and standing valiantly against the onslaught by giving reply after reply without hesitation until the atom bomb of all bombs was dropped on her by the Aunty…

.

.

“WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET MARRIED???”

The young woman felt the impact of those seven deadly words reverberating and echo-ing in her mind.. the resulting mushroom cloud, fogged up everything in her brain.  She was at a loss of words.. and nervously felt her throat drying up fast…

“Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but I need to talk to this girl right away.. it’s an urgent matter” came an unexpected voice…

The Aunty, caught off guard, looked at the gentleman and tried to make sense of what was going on..

The gentleman continued.. “We have a critical project that needs to be submitted for review tomorrow, and all our data could be potentially lost as my laptop just broke..” as he was now facing the Aunty directly.  “You see we’re co-workers… I hope you understand”

The aunty, sensing that she was holding up this urgent manner.. abruptly said, “Oh dear that is terrible.. sure sure sure.. I am just leaving anyway.. you both take care of your project.”  She turned to the young woman and declared, “It was great talking to you, I hope to talk to you soon again.” She stepped back, waved ‘Goodbye’ and made her exit from the cafe.

The young woman, still feeling the lingering effects of her dry throat, merely signaled acknowledgment by nodding to the Aunty’s gesture.

She quickly turned to the young man with a perplexed look and thought to herself.. “Who the heck is this character??  I don’t even know him.. and what in the world is he talking about a critical project for??”  She opened her mouth, but could not say anything.  Realizing that she needed to hydrate her throat, she picked up her beverage and began taking a sip…

The young man, put both of his hands up signaled and said, “It’s ok.. you don’t need to say anything..  I was sitting at the next table over and overheard that obnoxious woman grilling you.”  He clasped his hands together and continued, “I can’t stand to be interrogated like that myself, so I simply thought I’d do some pest control for you.” To which the guy smiled brightly back at the young woman.

After a much needed and refreshing sip, the young woman, a bit upset yet intrigued by the actions of this guy, indicated, “Well Thank You.. but it wasn’t necessary.. I don’t need your help.. I could very well take care of myself… and.. (phone rings)”…

The young brunette caught in mid-sentence and being interrupted by the multiple rings, realizes that it’s her phone and immediately dips to find her pocket book.  She struggles a bit to get her bag open, and digs in deeply as she fishes for her phone within the depths of her purse.  She finally gets her hand on it and immediately answers the call and brings the device to her ear.  “Hello?” answered the young woman..

Upon getting a reply, she hears that it is her sister on the other end.  “Just hold on a sec..” stated the young woman to her sibling as she turned towards the direction of the man.

Her eyes opened wide and immediately looked around throughout the café. The man had vanished.  There wasn’t a single sight of him anywhere as she now stood up and overlooked the entire bookstore.  Not a trace.  The young brunette couldn’t believe that the gentleman who just a few moments ago drove away the aunty was no longer standing in front of her.  She thought to herself.. “Where can he have gone in such a short time?”

In need of some alertness, she took her attention back to her drink, and simply stared in astonishment at the space where her drink was. She couldn’t believe what she was seeing.  Lying there, in front of her drink was an individually wrapped miniature chocolate heart!!

The voice from the phone answered back.. “Are you still there?… Hello?”

The young brunette.. carrying a smile like she never had before.. responded, “You are NOT going to believe what just happened….”

Here’s a simple, yet effective exercise for bringing awareness towards our sense of hearing.

1) Take out your headphones  and plug them in to any device that will play music (iPod, laptop, etc..)

2) Now turn on the music and put the volume at a comfortable level of listening

3) Listen for about 30 seconds and then lower the volume one notch

4) Continue listening for about 30 seconds and then again lower the volume one notch

5) Keep repeating this step until either you can’t go any lower or the music is barely audible

6) Now put the volume back to its original setting and take note of your observation

Most of us will certainly find the original volume setting ‘much louder’ than we remember it to be.  It usually comes as a stark realization that what we perceived to be a ‘comfortable’ volume is in reality just ‘loud’.

I bring up this exercise simply because I’ve observed way too many people who play music on their iPod, where I can hear the music quite clearly from a distance of 5ft.  There’s a reason why iPod’s are called ‘Personal’ music devices.  Nevertheless, I understand that some of us just want to immerse ourselves in the music to help feel energized or to get a ‘pumped up’ feeling.  That’s fine for the short term.  However, I can only imagine the grim number of hearing ailments we’ll see within the next 20-30 years.

The purpose of this exercise is to simply heighten our awareness towards sound.  It’s amazing how our body can adjust our senses to such a fine degree.  Most of us can set our iPods or Mp3 devices to a volume that’s a few notches lower and still be able to comfortably listen to our music.  Ultimately it’s a choice we all have.

In the meantime.. anyone know of any Hearing Aid companies in which I can buy stock in? 

I’m glad to announce that TWO deserving people will get the opportunity to win (5) 1-Hour Life Coaching Sessions with Professionally Certified Life Coach Melisa Rousseau (a $250 Value).

Let’s face it, this is the time of year, where most of us make commitments for the upcoming new year to achieve and surpass what we did in the previous year.  For many of us, the initial momentum is strong and it can get us through the first month, but there’s always a point where we are challenged both mentally and emotionally to make good on our personal commitments.  This is where a Life Coach can help, to support us even if we’ve fallen victims to our unhealthy tendencies.

A Life Coach is also useful if you are dissatisfied with your job, family or overall situation in life.  Even if you’re happy with where you are, a coach can help you discover what is possible on the horizon.

Ultimately, even the greatest sports players can attribute their success to the coaches and mentors they’ve had in their lives.  Why not have the same apply to your life?

Contest Rules

1) Within a paragraph (500 words max), convince us of how you feel a Life Coach can benefit you with your goals and why you DESERVE to win this contest.

2) We’ve kept this contest open to those who are at least 23 years of age, simply because it’s usually the age when individuals start their full-time careers.

3) Email Submissions to: LifeCoachContest@gmail.com, be sure to include your Name and Contact Number and in the subject write: “Contest Submission – Your Name”

4) Submission Deadline: January 15th, 2011

5) Winners will be notified on January 19th, 2011

What is a Life Coach?

A Life Coach is a person who facilitates a client to produce extraordinary results in their life, career or business.  Someone who allows a client to deepen their learning, improve their performance and overall enhance their quality of life.

What happens during a Life Coach Meeting?

Meetings are 1 hour over the phone (preferably Skype) or face to face, where the client chooses the focus of conversation, while the coach listens and contributes observations and questions.  The purpose is to create clarity for the client and move him/her into action.

About Melisa

I’ve known Melisa for about 2 years now and have had a few coaching sessions with her myself.  She has a knack for zeroing in on the major block or issue at hand and bringing our awareness to it. I’ve benefited much from her insight and advice.

She’s a Professional Life Coach with intense training from the International Coaching Academy.  She is a Lifetime Member of the International Coaching Federation.  She is an Assistant Professor of English and also a Professional Mom of 2 lovely children.  She coaches on the following areas:

Life coaching
Career coaching
Spiritual coaching
Diversity coaching
Parent and Youth coaching

If you have any questions/comments about the Contest feel free to shoot an email to LifeCoachContest@gmail.com.  Good Luck!!

I am constantly amazed at how life is providing us with lessons day in and day out.  Most of the time it’s in the obvious places yet we’re unaware that these lessons even exist.

Last week, while I was back in Long Island, I decided to chip in and mow the lawn as it had gotten quite unruly since the previous time it was mowed.  For any of you who’ve ever put your landscaping hats on, you’ve likely put mowing the lawn in either one of the following categories;  a meditative experience or just a pain in the backside.  So on this particular day while mowing, I picked up a lesson from two common insects, a fly and a butterfly.

The Fly

Nearly half of the yard completed already, I came across something that all landscapers dread, a pile of cat excrement.  As soon as I came upon it, I stopped dead in my tracks and soon my meditative experience turned into a pain in the backside.  I was now forced to remove this ‘gift’ from our neighborhood cat and tried to think of the quickest and most efficient way of getting rid of it.  I looked around the nearby area and couldn’t really find anything to clean this up with.  So being inspired in some crooked way, I simply took two fallen twigs on the grass and chopstick’d my way out of the mess.

However, while removing this waste from the lawn, I found that the biggest challenge was to shoo away the flies that kept hovering around the area.  I thought to myself, “How do flies find this stuff so engaging?”  “What is it about cat poop that attracts flies?”  Then the thought occurred to me, that perhaps it’s simply a learned behavior.  Flies simply learned it from the generations that came before them.  Or maybe that’s where they can find a date for the evening..

The Butterfly

Not too much later after my chopstick experiment, I continued to finish the lawn project that I had started, trying my best to get back into the meditative state.  As I marched forward, a gentle orange-colored butterfly glided past me and gracefully landed on a flower amongst the magnificent flower bed my mom has grown this summer.  This also stopped me in my tracks and I simply began to observe the butterfly.  While waving it’s wings in a delicate manner, the butterfly propped onto a flower and began pulling out nectar to nourish itself.  Merely watching it put me in a relaxed state of mind.

The Comparison

The obvious fact is that flies gravitate towards poop and butterflies gravitate towards flowers.  But how does that translate into a lesson?  Let me ’splain.

Movement

In observing the movement of flies, we easily notice that they are quite chaotic in their trajectories.  It’s almost as if they’re reacting to external stimuli and bouncing from place to place.  There does not appear to be any set goal of where they need to be.

On the other hand as indicated before, the butterfly has a much more fluid and graceful movement.  It appears that the butterfly has a purpose and a set destination where it has to reach, rather than aimlessly landing onto the ‘right’ spot.

Impact

Ok, so some of you may be itching to tell me that flies gravitate towards poop to lay their eggs, so when the larvae hatch, they can feed on the poop to develop into a full grown fly.  Lovely!  However, what’s the overall intent and impact of the flies actions?  It merely serves to further it’s own family and lineage.  Nothing else.  Quite a narrow purpose of existence in my opinion.

Meanwhile, as our butterfly friend gravitates towards flowers, in effect the impact is much greater.  Each time this insect goes for food, it is not only serving itself, but also for the greater good of it’s eco-community.  Similar to bees, the butterfly pollinates the flowers, from which fruits, vegetables and other beautiful flowers can grace our presence.  Indirectly, the butterfly is serving for the greater good.

Presence

It’s no hidden secret that flies buzz loudly and can be quite the annoyance as they swoosh by our ears.  In other words, they’re obnoxious and are not welcome by too many people.  It’s almost a disappointment when a fly enters our living space, and we’re usually thinking of how to get rid of this ‘pest’.

A young man welcomes a butterfly with an Orange

Butterflies?  Well they don’t make a sound at all.  They go about their business in a peaceful, almost meditative state.  When we were kids or perhaps even now, we sometimes hold our finger out so that we may be able to land a nearby butterfly on it.  Compared to the flies, their presence is very much welcomed.

Final Thoughts

We can see how in various aspects how the butterfly and fly differ.  Yet, this post does not merely serve as a straight up comparison, but rather a spark for self-introspection.  In all of the areas mentioned above, how do we compare?  Do we find that in our lives, we gravitate towards things equivalent to poop or something greater?  Are we moving towards a certain purpose or bouncing around aimlessly from place to place?  Is the impact of our life positively affecting the lives of many… or is it merely to serve ourselves and our immediate family?  And finally, is our presence welcomed in the proximity of others, or are we doing something that drives others away?

Who would you like to be more like.. the Fly or the Butterfly?

Continuing on the topic of Confidence, here is Part 2 of 5 in which we tackle the idea of Building Confidence.  By understanding the basic building block of Confidence, it’ll allow us to go about developing it in our own life.

Next Week we will cover “How we can Accelerate Confidence” in our 3rd Part of 5.

Being human, all of us have struggled with Confidence at various points in our life.  But why is it that we have confidence in certain aspects of our life, yet in other areas.. not so much?

For this week’s Mental Makeover, it is the 1st video in a series of 5 total videos I will be putting out on this topic.  Taking it one step at a time, in this video I cover the basics of what Confidence is and how by understanding it better, we can take the steps necessary to approach it more consciously.

Next Week we will cover How to Build Confidence for our 2nd part of 5.  Your Comments are welcome.

As human beings our natural instinct is to go after the things which lead us to a greater state of joy.  Each time we obtain this Joy, it gives us a feeling of ‘completeness’.  This notion is also spurred on at times by Hollywood and our overall Media, in which we’re told that unless we buy product X, we’ll remain incomplete.  Wash, Rinse, and Repeat…

For this week’s Mental Makeover, we talk about what really makes us ‘Complete’ and how the movie Jerry Maguire gives us a false sense of reality:

Comments, Feedback, Ideas for Future Topics.. are most welcome!

‘Be the Change!’  We’re all too familiar with this slogan that our current President Obama used throughout his Presidential campaign.  After the election, we hear the word ‘change’ get thrown around a lot these days.

However, I say that Change is no good, but rather we must seek something else instead.  The answer is here on Mitu’s Mental Makeover.

Do offer any feedback or suggestions on the video and it’s content or even future topics to cover.  Things I modified from the last video:

1) Background – Now it’s the NYC backdrop

2) Held Camera in my hand as opposed to on a tripod