In a sense, as I’m writing, this is also refreshing since there are no boundaries, no limits, no particular theme which I’m restricted by, yet it allows for the train of thought within my mind to flow it’s way through my hands and fingers which type away to words that appear on this screen.

Freedom is the first thought that comes to mind and I can’t say enough about it.  What is true freedom?  In America, we’re known to say that this is the ‘Land of the Free and Home of the Brave’, during the last line of our National Anthem.  Though the question is raised as to how many of us in the US are actually living a free life?  How many of us are exercising our freedom on a daily basis?

If we ask ourselves the question, “How Free are we?”, the answer that usually rings true is that we’re still bounded by a variety of things.  First and foremost the doubts and fears that have stealthily crept into our psyche bound us from being at our absolute best.  Then there are societal pressures, that demand we act and behave a certain way and causes us to drift away from living in an authentic and genuine manner.  The only time acceptance is granted is when our authentic way of living aligns with the societal norms that are currently in place.  We’re also bound by our bodies and senses in many ways as hunger and bodily cravings will always be with us.  The trick is to not become slaves to our body, but rather be the master of our bodily vehicle.  Consciously choosing what to indulge in and what to lay off of, rather than being dragged along by the senses.

At present the biggest challenge with Freedom is that most of us don’t know what true freedom feels like.  We assume that because we have certain liberties and we can exercise them in our daily lives that it makes us free.  Yet, true freedom goes deeper than just societal laws or customs.  True freedom is being able to break free from the tight grasp that our own fears and insecurities have upon us.  I can surely attest to the fact that for most of my life my decisions were based in fear, in scarcity, in victim mode.  Never really knowing what freedom was, especially from my own fears.

Until I started looking at my life and ultimately myself as being complete, then only did I get a sense of what freedom really means.  Once I stopped worrying about how the world viewed me or what they thought of me, it became relatively easy to make decisions based on my truth and what I loved.  Instead of making fear-based choices on what I thought I needed to do so I wouldn’t miss out on something, I made choices that were aligned with who I am.

We can look all around us and see how most of us are so fear-driven that it’s commonly accepted as normal behavior.  The best example I can think of is the momentous Post-Thanksgiving ritual of Black Friday.  To me that day is all about fear and scarcity.  It’s about trying to beat out a thousand people so that we can get that 1 X-Box piece that’s on sale for 70% off.  It’s about waking up at some insane hour or not sleeping at all in order to not be left out when it comes to the best deals.  This is all a product of fear and maybe a tiny bit of our ego involved as well.

Nevertheless, Freedom at it’s fullest is when we can go beyond the things that bound us and beyond the things that tie us down to levels of mediocrity.  Find you own freedom, and diligently assess when you’re being lead by fear and how to overturn and transform that fear towards your Truth.

Start with our Core Beliefs

In order to understand how our mindset gets shaped, we have to closely look at our beliefs, especially our core foundational beliefs.  Any time we examine our beliefs the best questions to ask are, “What do I strongly believe in?”, “What is the most important concept or running theme that makes me tick?”, “If I had one message to pass on to my 3-year old niece, what would it be?”.  By asking these types of questions, we can begin to decipher what lies at our core.

For most of us, we’ll come up with roughly a half-dozen to a dozen core values that our life revolves around.  If we haven’t ever thought about this, then it’s certainly not a bad idea as being clear on who we are helps carve a direction for the life we lead.  Otherwise we’ll very much be like a wind vane turning and pointing to whichever direction the wind is blowing the strongest.

The beliefs at our core truly provide a firm structure with which to live our life.  Values such as Honesty, Selflessness, Compassion or even Greed, Violence and Hatred can be programs that create our life experiences.  Our values create our mindset and our mindset is the program that is operating on a conscious level throughout our daily lives.

To really simplify this concept, the programs we set are very much like the settings we have on our washing machines.  We have a separate program for Cottons, Linens, Delicates, Whites, Mixed Load, Speed Cycle, etc…  Depending on the program we choose our washing machine is going to follow that pattern.  In the same way, when we allow ourselves to define what is important to us and set our program accordingly, then our brains will take those set of beliefs and run with them throughout the day.

So one can see that if we keep our priorities on Compassion or Peace, then our daily existence will process each situation through the lens of compassion or peace.  Likewise, if Greed is the dominant program in our mindset, then each action and experience will be processed under that set of programming.

This almost reminds me of a Pandora Playlist.  If you’re not familiar with Pandora, it’s an online music site which selects and plays songs continuously to our choosing.  When I first started with Pandora, I created a Trance channel and in doing so, Pandora asked me what genre of music do I want to create as ‘seeds’ for my playlist.  So of course, I chose Trance/Chillout, vocal trance and then a few specific songs that fit that profile.  Pandora would then provide me music and play songs that were closest to my interests that I selected.  I began to hear and listen to artists and songs that I had never heard of, but liked them because they were very similar to the music I enjoyed.  Another great feature was that as a user, we are allowed to tailor and deny or reject any song or artist that we didn’t like so Pandora would remember never to play that again or stick to music that was more closer to my liking.

After only a few weeks of listening, I had such a set and defined program of music by accepting and denying the music I liked and disliked that 90% of the music that Pandora played on my Trance channel was stuff that I enjoyed.

The point here is not to laud the service of Pandora, but rather to show that our minds and our programming can work in a similar fashion.  The beliefs that we enjoy and serve us can be accepted while the thoughts or beliefs that don’t serve us can be removed from our programming.  Similar to Pandora, our core beliefs are our ‘seeds’ and define what is most important to us, and what type of experiences we seek.

Get to Know Who We Are

The way in which we can bring awesome experiences into our lives is to consciously set our program.  Truly understand what it is that makes us tick.  If we’ve never thought about our core beliefs, then we’re truly missing out on the experiences that we have the power to create.  By simply bringing our conscious attention to the beliefs that matter most to us, it will aid us tremendously in making decisions and choosing what we want in life.

Take for example the idea of Honesty.  If we decide that this value or belief is of utmost importance, then any situation we come across in our life can be experienced through the lens of honesty.  Say for instance, we go to the supermarket and upon paying the cashier, we’re given a $10 bill for change rather than $1, then with the programming of Honesty, it’s a very easy decision to make and give back the $10 bill.  Meanwhile, if we’re not so clear on a particular belief, then we’ll literally have a dialogue in our mind as to ‘What should I do?’  We may even convince ourselves of taking the extra money and pocketing it.  Yet having a clear concept won’t even allow a single thought in the other direction.

This works with any core belief or value we keep.  If it’s the value of Oneness, then we’ll see each being as a Divine extension of ourselves.  If we program ourselves with a victim mindset, then we’ll see that each experience we go through we’ll place blame and responsibility of our poor condition on other people, the Govt, or even just the situation it self.

Empowering Up

In essence, the more strong and powerful our beliefs, the more strength we’ll see flow into our life.  The more clear and defined our mindset is, the easier it is to carve through life with making decisions.  At the end of the day, empowerment is really just holding the keys to our life in our hand.  When we consciously set our beliefs and move through life in a purposeful way, there is no greater and better feeling than knowing that we are the Creators of our Reality.

If we’re feeling weak, frustrated or even powerless, then seek to find clarity on what it is that we want in life.  The more clear and defined we are on our values, the more we’ll find ourselves in an empowered state of being.  The more we’re empowered, the more we’ll live a life of depth and satisfaction.  Start at our core and work our way outwards!

We’ve experienced the greatest joys, and the toughest lows, yet we’ve still managed to get to where we are right now even amidst all that change and transformation.

However, throughout all this shifting and moving that goes on throughout our experience, there is one thing that remains constant.  This constant is the ‘stillness’ that lies within us.  No matter how crazy or extraordinary our day is, that stillness within us never wavers or changes.  It’s always ever present.

If we simply closed our eyes for a few moments, took a few deep breaths and allowed our thoughts to subside, we can easily connect with this amazing constant in our life.  This stillness is always there, always available for us to reside in and rejuvenate our self.  This stillness is like the witness that watches everything which goes on in our life and just observes without judgment.

It’s like the video cameraman within us that casually captures every moment, sound, action and twists of our life.  No matter where we are in our lives, always remember that at any moment we can bring ourselves back to this stillness and find peace within those moments.

The greatest value I’ve found with this constant is that connecting with this stillness brings us back to our Truth.  It gives us a perspective that is free of our emotional highs/lows.  It simply just is.  Enjoy the Stillness…

If we’re looking to improve our level of patience and build comfort by having an abundance of it, then there are a few steps we must follow.

Let Go of the Need for Control

As human beings we feel most safe and secure when things are under our control.  We feel good when we can accurately predict outcomes and results with certainty.  Yet if we look at the root cause of our most impatient moments, it’s because the results we expected did not work out the way we wanted it to.  It could be as simple as getting antsy when our morning train or bus is 5 minutes late or as complex as trying to improve an aspect of our life and meeting resistance towards it.

All of this revolves around the idea of being in ‘control’.  Most of us have a persistent desire to not only control ourselves but to be able to steer everything around us so that we can reach the outcomes we’re looking for.  However, if we take a step back and take a deep and honest look at it, the only thing we really have control over is our action and our reactions to situations.  Do we really have the power and control to make our bus arrive on time?  Can we really control external circumstances when we’re trying to improve our lives?  The effective answer is NO.

So in order to build patience, the most logical thing to do is to let go of trying to create outcomes.  This goes against conventional wisdom, especially in the result-oriented society that we live in.  Yet, don’t misunderstand the message here.  The idea is not to give up and call it a day, but rather, do everything that we need to do in order to bring ourselves closer to the outcome but not worry about the outcome itself.  If we put in the effort to reach a certain outcome and we don’t get it, then no big deal as we did everything that we possibly could to get there.  On the flip side, if the outcome we sought does occur then it’s an added bonus for us.

The beauty of this idea is that by focusing on putting in the effort towards our goals, that in itself builds our level of patience.  It’s like that saying, “Don’t worry about the destination, simply enjoy the journey getting there”.  When we can carry this mindset, we lose the need to control the things outside of us and keep the focus on our own actions.  100% responsibility for our self.

Trust

Another key aspect in building patience is the concept of trust.  When we become obsessed with an outcome and eventually get impatient when it doesn’t happen, we’re essentially broadcasting to the Universe that I don’t trust that it will happen, and hence I have to interfere and make it happen.  Many times we can save ourselves the agony of frustration simply by letting go and trusting that the best result will find it’s way to us based on the effort we’ve put in.

I shared a story in an earlier post, How I Got a Job at Goldman Sachs, about this same concept where as soon as I let go of my need to control and put a little trust in the Universe, the result I was seeking found it’s way to me.  Of course I put in all the effort to make it happen, but once I shifted my mindset on doing the work and letting go of the result, things clicked.

You may be saying to yourself WTF and SMH right now, but this idea of trust is immensely powerful.  The primary reason is that by having trust in the Universe we exist in a place of connection with the Universal intelligence and disconnect ourselves from our Ego-driven desires to take personal credit for reaching an outcome.  I would even say that the times we are most impatient, are the times we’ve given ourselves up to our ego self.  When we are aligned with our ego’s then each moment feels like swimming against the current, yet when we let go of our stubbornness and put a bit of trust in the Universe, the current all of a sudden works in our favor.

Be Vulnerable

In building patience and keeping cool in any situation, we have to open ourselves to be vulnerable.  You see, patience is not about just waiting for things to happen, but it’s more about accepting the fact that what we’re working towards may not materialize within the time frame we desire.  In other words, failure and tons of it may be in our future.  However, do we let failure dictate our course in life or do we open ourselves up to the possibility of failing over and over and over again, while still doing our Karma or dedicated actions towards our goal.

Nobody likes being vulnerable, because it puts us in a state of uncertainty towards a result.  Though by embracing the uncertainty and bringing ourselves to accept the uncertainty puts us at ease as we’re no longer worried about what’s going to happen.  A good deal of patience and satisfaction comes from acceptance of our situation and trust not only in the Universe but also within ourselves that whatever comes our way it won’t deter us from our destination.  And while we make our way closer to the destination, simply enjoy the scenery and the process of getting there.

What can we do to better manage and process our anger?

Who has the Power?

Whenever we get angry, it comes with such a potent force that more often than not the anger has control over us, rather than the other way around.  When we are under the influence of an emotion, it parallels to the degree of us being drunk or high.  This is simply because the overwhelming emotion takes control and impairs our decision-making abilities.

That’s why it’s common to see people punch walls, get into a fight or even verbally abuse someone else under the state of anger.  The idea is that it’s the emotion that has power over us in that moment.  While ‘we’ are powerless to stop it.  This is not only with anger, but we can see this with other emotions as well.  Take ‘Sadness’ for instance.  When we’re feeling down about our life and the situation we’ve ended up in, many of us fall into unhealthy habits such as binge eating, smoking, or perhaps playing video games to numb the pain.  The same goes when we feel jealous.  We allow the jealousy to take power over us and wreak havoc with our thoughts.

We are not our Anger

A few years ago, I was experiencing moments of emotional instability and couldn’t really control the thoughts, feelings and emotions that masked my personality.  I struggled mightily to have better control and to take power over my insecurities, doubts and fears.  In my quest to find answers, I came across a book by Hale Dwoskin called “The Sedona Method”.  It’s basically a technique which is designed to free us from our unhealthy emotions.  I didn’t really find the method itself of too much value, but simply reading it helped to provide an empowering perspective for me.

From the book, I understood that many times, we claim to be something we are not.  Take for example the statement, “I am angry”.  Now on the surface, this just looks like a harmless statement.  Yet, if we examine it more closely, we can see that we are actually making the claim that we ARE angry, or in other words, we exist as anger itself and that’s who we are.  The same goes for similar statements such as, “I am Sad”, “I am Depressed”, “I am Jealous”.. etc.  Now this may seem like playing with words and for me I thought the same initially.  However, if we shift our perspective a bit, we come to realize that we are not an emotion.  We can never exist as an emotion.  Emotions are simply things that we have and if we have an emotion, then we can easily let it go as well.

It’s much more of an empowering perspective to say that I am feeling angry and realize that it’s just a feeling.  As quickly as it came, we can let it go just as quick.

Manifestations of Anger

As mentioned earlier, anger is an emotion that typically causes us to act or react.  There are a few different ways in which anger manifests.  The first is what is known as Expression.  When it relates to anger, expression usually means just letting our blood boil and allowing it to erupt into violence or rage or verbal assaults.  It’s similar to a pressure cooker building steam and letting the heat out through a mini explosion of sorts.  Typically our breathing becomes short and rapid, we feel tension within our muscles and perhaps even clench our teeth.  Enough tension and build up of anger will usually find a tipping point where a person cannot contain it anymore and eventually bursts.  Expression of anger is the explosive manifestation.

The second is the complete opposite, which is suppression.  This usually doesn’t appear on the surface but it simply is the means in which we push our emotions down and maybe even ignore them without coming to a resolution.  Most times it’ll be when someone is angry but gets real quiet or pretend that they are not bothered by it.  We shut down externally, but internally we create blockages and aren’t able to process our thoughts, emotions and feelings properly.  For example, our boss tells us we’re incompetent.  We fear that if we express our anger, we’ll get fired, so we shut up and just take in the words and perhaps even believe the things we were told.   Each time we encounter our boss in the future, the experience brings those memories fresh in front of us and unsettles our mind.  Suppression can manifest eventually as sleep disorders, anxiety, and even depression.

There’s one more way to deal with anger which is always available to us.  That is ‘letting go’.  If we remember that anger is an emotion.  It is not something which we are, but rather an emotion we are holding onto.  So then, why not loosen our grip on anger and simply let it go?

Letting go is a two-step process.  The first step is usually the most tricky.  During the onset of our anger, we must train ourselves to recognize that the emotion of anger is waging a war of power within us.  To realize that our anger is taking over and keeping us as a hostage within our own body.  The hardest part is to catch ourselves in the moment.  It takes a bit of practice and conscious intent to catch this rapid takeover.  How many times have we gotten angry within a split second of some trigger point?  Yet, it’s OK to allow the emotion of anger to arrive.  I am not saying we should stop the anger from being generated.  What is important during this first step is to immediately recognize and catch ourselves in the moment it arrives.

The second step is a bit of a dialogue.  After we’ve caught the anger arising, ask ourselves, “Why am I getting angry?”  “What is causing this anger?”  “What is it that I haven’t come to terms with internally that is causing this reaction?”

Now this sounds a bit long-winded, but the dialogue happens within a split second.

This is different from suppressing our anger because now we are taking responsibility for our emotions, rather than seeing ourselves as a victim and pushing the anger away.

Taking Responsibility

By asking the question, “What is it that I haven’t come to terms with yet?”, we are taking responsibility over our reactions.  I truly believe that the reason we get angry at situations, objects or other people is simply because there’s a part within us that we haven’t come to terms with.

Take for example being angry at people who are liars and dishonest to us.  Remember the saying, “Nobody can upset us without our permission”.  The reason we get angry towards dishonesty is because there may be a part of us where dishonesty is showing up in our life which we haven’t reconciled yet.  Perhaps we’re dishonest by setting a perception towards others about who we are and putting up a likeable front.  It could be that we’re dishonest about our desires and we don’t really express what we want to others.  Maybe we’re lying to ourselves about what our dreams are in life and simply settling for what’s safe and mediocre.  No matter what it is in this case, there’s some element of dishonesty that we haven’t made peace with which causes us anger when we see it in others.

The same goes for if we’re angry with a particular race, religion, belief system or even simple as being upset with what someone is wearing.  How many times have we looked at the way someone dresses and said to ourselves, that is terrible, how could they wear something like that?  Maybe there’s a part within us that wants to be different or wants to be daring which we’re ignoring and as a result it manifests as anger or hate towards a person.  Sometimes anger is simply because we don’t understand what we see.  Could it be because there are parts to us which we don’t understand and as a result it frustrates us?

Final thoughts

The idea here is that Anger is only as strong as the amount of energy we fuel it with and how much power we allow it to have over us.  As long as we can constantly be vigilant and remind ourselves that we’re the masters of our emotions.  To recognize that we’re in control and the reaction that we’re having is simply something we ourselves haven’t come to terms with.  This in itself will put us in a place of peace, a place where we can make better decisions as we are no longer victims of The Anger Effect..

Charm has less to do with what a person takes from an interaction and more to do with what a person gives.  So what right?  What’s the big deal in being charming?  By having a charming personality there are many benefits that come along with it.  For one, people will keep a favorable impression of you.  If we remember the saying, “People won’t necessarily remember what you said to them, but rather they’ll remember how you made them feel.”  If we meet someone who left a favorable impression on us even 10-years down the line, we’ll light up with a smile and just remember the positive feelings associated with this person.  Believe it or not, but that’s powerful.  Just imagine 10 years from now we meet someone who left us with a positive vibe,  we’d more likely do business with them or engage in longer conversations and perhaps even lead to becoming friends.

So what does it take for one to be charming?

Proper Mindset

This all begins with a healthy and proper mindset.  I emphasize the words ‘healthy’ and ‘proper’ simply because as Spiderman was told by his uncle, “With great power, comes great responsibility”.  A person who is charming can also end up being manipulative and ultimately hurt people with their ill intentions.  Remember what I said before, true charm comes from giving and not in selfishly taking.  That’s why I stress that the intention behind it be noble.

A mindset which seeks to be authentic and genuine in creating positive interactions is crucial.

Lose the Judgment

Have you ever felt within the first 2 minutes of a conversation that you were being judged by the person speaking to you?  It’s not a pleasant feeling is it?  Rather, when we feel we’re being put under a microscope and judged, we automatically put up walls and shut down the conversation.  Either that or we get highly defensive and perhaps fire back judgments of our own and start an argument.  On the flip side, try to remember the last time you came across somebody who didn’t judge you for what you do as a profession, hobby or your sexual orientation.  It’s a refreshing feeling and we’re more likely to feel relaxed and possibly allow ourselves to open up as well.

The idea here is that if we want to enhance our charm, we have to try really hard to put aside our societal conditioning of placing judgment.  Regardless if we’re speaking to a person of a different faith, a chronic smoker, or even the waiter who spilled a drink on us.  Lose the judgments as they only create barriers amongst us.

Smile

Living in New York, I’ve seen my fair share of emotionless and grumpy faces.  Yet, it’s just so empowering for both parties in a conversation when there are smiles involved.  It really doesn’t take much to smile and it has this magnificent power of putting people at ease.  Try it!  It’s not just about smiling, but also just being positive in conversations.  Do you recall how painful it is to sit through a conversation where someone just goes on and on about how crappy the world is and how their life sucks.  These types of conversations drain us of our own positive energy, and I don’t know about you, but I’m more likely to keep my conversations short and brief with negative folks.  Of course, give someone a free pass during the first interaction with negativity as it’s very freeing to vent.  Sometimes these conversations are the most fun as we can try to keep turning the tone from one of negativity to a more positive outlook.  More often than not, it will actual work and we may be able to get someone out of their negativity.  Which of course adds to our charm and leaves both parties feeling good.

Listen and Remember

One-sided conversations are completely devoid of charm.  The only time that will ever work is when someone is giving a speech where the audience is expected to just listen.  However, in our daily lives, we very rarely come across speeches and more likely to face a conversation that requires exchanges back and forth.  In order to build charm, intently listen and understand what the other person is giving us with their words and expressions.  Be totally 100% engaged in the interaction and take interest.  Don’t just wait for them to shut up so that you can say what you wanted to say.  Listen closely to what the other is trying to communicate, and offer something in return that builds on what they said.

Take for example, someone says to you, “I’ve been nominated as the president of my local chapter of the Lions Club”, don’t reply back with, “Oh really?  Well, a few years ago I was president of ……… “  Instead, we could return with, “That’s wonderful!  How does it feel to be given such an honor?”  There’s a big difference between the two.  The first cuts off the other person and puts the focus on our self.  While the latter continues the flow of the conversation and continues to give the other person a chance to expand further.

It’s also a powerful element to remember tiny bits of conversations with people.  This can be applied in two ways.  The first instance is when we can recall and bring back a point or topic from earlier on in the same conversation.  The second is to be able to recall information from a previous conversation into a current conversation.  When we remember somebody’s name, a story, an experience they shared with us, it’s a powerful message that we send to them.  It’s as if we’re telling them, you’re important enough for me to remember these details about you.

Be Inquisitive, Ask Questions

Like the example from above, ask questions, be inquisitive about other people.  Seek to understand them, to know what makes them tick and what excites them.  The more we take interest in the lives of other people, the more they’ll trust us and as a result keep a favorable impression of us.  This is such a simple concept that can extend and add depth to any conversation.  If we remember that the intention is about giving, then soon this should feel very natural to us.

Be Present

Nobody likes a person who is pretending to listen while their mind is somewhere else.  This takes a little bit of conscious practice because nowadays we live in a world that is constantly bombarding us with external distractions.  There are cell phones, tv’s, our own worries and sometimes even that hot girl/guy who we catch from the corner of our eye to cause us to lose focus.  I say ruthlessly give our full attention to the person we are interacting with or don’t interact with them at all.  Even if someone like President Obama, Brad Pitt or Megan Fox were to walk in the room while we’re talking to this person, our attention should not shift one bit.

There are many more subtleties in the art of being charming, but if we begin to adopt even a few of the things indicated above, it’ll exponentially boost our charm towards others.  Being charming is fun, it’s a great way to create stronger bonds and at the end of the day it’s a win-win for everyone involved.  I once heard someone say that when we enter into conversations, we are giving the gift of our self to others.  Keep the mindset that by giving our complete attention and self to an interaction is the greatest gift we can possibly give to that person in that moment.

Be Charming, Be Real, Be Authentic and above all have Fun with it. 

Many moons ago, I was a kid who never liked being open with people.  A kid who was terrified of standing in front of an audience of two let alone hundreds.  I was also a boy who was afraid of letting anyone ever get too close and keeping myself at a distance.  I absolutely hated talking on the phone and would refuse conversations with distant family members whenever they called.  As a child, there were less significant things such as being scared of insects, mice, and other creatures.

Yet today, I can basically say that the opposite of all those things are true!  They are not only true, but because I’ve discovered a world which I had shunned and closed out for many years, I absolutely LOVE to be and do these things.  In essence by transforming my fears into something I embrace, the power in that is unbelievably potent.

Nowadays, I take the attitude of “I have nothing to hide, I am who I am”.  There is no topic under the sun for which I don’t mind giving information about myself.  Being open with people is magnificently refreshing and it cuts out all the tension and stress of trying to hide things or wondering what other people will think of me, or even caring whether or not they’ll like me.

Most of you who read this blog, have probably seen me in front of a big crowd, leading sessions, facilitating workshops and just enjoying being myself.  Yet, this was also a transformation that I fully embraced once I learned that the fear I carried with me for so many years was just paralyzing the amazing qualities that were waiting to be unleashed.  By taking courses, going to Toastmasters, and literally forcing myself in front of an audience every chance I could get, it allowed me to chip away at my fear.   Now I feel this ability to do so is one of the greatest blessings in my life.  Though it’s still natural to have fear creep in when giving a presentation or talk, it goes away relatively quickly after the first 30 seconds or so.

Connecting with people every day is now a passion of mine.  When I was younger, I would make sure I would not make eye contact with people while talking to them.  I would even give weak handshakes and a disinterested look to show my distaste for conversation and opening up to others whenever I was put in a social situation.  I don’t know when the transformation started, but over the course of the last decade in particular, I simply kept pushing my self-imposed boundaries and limits by tiny amounts during my conversations with people.  By no means am I fully there yet, but I embarrassingly smile each time I think of all the grief I gave myself for denying the amazing connections I could have made early on in my life.  Now the feeling of Oneness and embracing each person as one of my own has never been stronger and continues to fuel a fire that is intent on connecting with everyone that I meet.  This may sound corny, but why put up walls, when bridges are much more fun and freeing?

As a result of wanting to connect with people, phone conversations are something I no longer dread.  Even the new job that I have right now demands that I speak on the phone with clients and I absolutely love it.

No longer running from Fear

The idea behind all of this is not to just display my journey, but rather to show my experiences as an example of what happens when we no longer run from our fears.  I am not so evolved to have conquered every single fear that I possess.  There are still things that absolutely freak me out and render me powerless when I get caught up in that fear.  However, what separates me now from the kid I was many years ago is that the mindset towards fear has shifted.

Rather than feeling insecure or seeing myself as a failure due to fear.  I can now look at all the things that scare me and just keep reminding myself that “don’t run away, just step closer and into the fear”.  When I keep this mindset and allow myself to push my barriers, the resulting transformation is like a tiny miracle each time I do so.  I become less and less afraid of what creeped me out previously.  Take baby steps if you have to, but if you can take one thing from this post, it is that “Our greatest fears usually transform into our greatest strengths once we seek to embrace them”.

It’s a high probability during the course of our lives that somewhere, somehow we’ve come across these powerful words by Gandhi.  The words are simple yet profoundly deep.  Understanding this intellectually is simple, yet putting it into practice is profoundly difficult.

The key aspect that we all forget from time to time is that we must always look at ourselves.  However, more often than not the temptation is to see the words and actions of others and place blame where we feel it belongs.  Understandably, there are many people in the world that will commit vicious and harmful acts.  Actions which are devoid of love, peace, joy and compassion.

On the outside, by taking these actions by face value, they may not make sense to us and it would cause us to quickly judge these individuals.  However, we limit ourselves by only viewing the action, and not truly trying to understand the intention behind the act.

Take for example a man who beats his wife and kids at home.  At the surface, this is no doubt a violent act and nobody deserves to be beaten under any circumstances.  Yet, without question, the first instinct and thought to pass through us is to judge that man and say that he’s a brute and a bully.  However, how many of us would take a pause and try to understand why this man does what he does.  The typical bully intent is not only to display power, but more significantly, to seek attention and perhaps in a twisted way, seek love from his wife and kids.  I really do think that most human beings do things because they feel the actions that they are taking are the best ones.

Take that same man, and if he was to look at that quote by Gandhi ji and act in a more conscious way, his reactions would be much different.  If he feels that he wants and needs acceptance from his family, then first work on accepting his own self.  If he feels that he wants and needs love from his family, then first work on loving his own self.  By doing so, the need to force people by violence, anger, frustration and greed is not a proper solution.

We all know this, yet how many times have we been looking for peace and at the same time we haven’t found peace within our self.  How many times have we searched for love, and only came up empty because we really didn’t love the person we saw in the mirror each morning.

Now tell me this, even if love, peace and joy was out looking to embrace someone, would it ever go to a person who was not ready for it?  Would these qualities want to make a home in someone’s life if the current tenants included misery, hate and violence?

Right now the world is full of these amazing qualities of peace, compassion, joy and love.  The only problem is that these qualities are waiting to find good spaces to become tenants in.  The world needs us to be open and welcoming to all of these qualities in our life.  It doesn’t take long for these qualities to take root and bear fruit once we’re ready for them.

The past year has taught me tremendous lessons in all of these concepts.  Keep shedding our nonsense and clear space for these noble qualities to find a home.  Stick with it.  And if we feel the world needs more love, peace, compassion and joy.. then just remind ourselves that it’s OUR own world that needs it most.

Sadhana, is exactly that.  For those who are seeing this term for the first time, it’s simply a Sanskrit term that represents ‘a means to accomplish something’.  There’s much more to elaborate on that term, but I won’t get into it too much.  That’s what Google is for!

Nevertheless, I see sadhana as a birthing process.  Being a man, I have never experienced and will never experience what it feels like to carry a child around for 9 months and going through the intense pain of giving birth to a newborn.  From a standpoint of an observer, the concept is a very familiar one and universal.  I can give birth to my visions.  Any true creation that has come to existence on this planet has had to go through this process.  Beginning at the point of conception, moving forward with the gestation period and then eventually materializing through birth.

Giving Birth to a Better You

Sadhana is a systematic process that helps to not only test and challenge an individual, but also prepare a person for stepping into a better version of themselves.  It’s not always an easy process nor will it be pain free.  However, by embracing sadhana, it can be the greatest source of joy for a person.  Whether they realized it not, no successful or great being that walked this planet achieved what they did without entering into this space.

How can one do Sadhana?

Sadhana is not limited to a set of practices or beliefs, but rather it is any practice that’s devoted to bettering one self.  For some it may be to adopt a better diet.  For others it could be reading something pertaining to their field of work for 20 minutes a day.  For someone else, sadhana can be consciously smiling more and more every day.  The idea is that there’s no limit to sadhana.

However, the key elements that compose a higher quality of sadhana over one of lower impact is regularity and discipline.   Sadhakas (those who perform sadhana) must do the things they are looking to do simply because it has to be done.  Even if they don’t feel like it, get bored by it or even tired by it, it must get done.  In order to reach the goal of improving oneself to another level, this intensity and one-pointedness is an absolute necessity.

When women are in their pregnancies, after 3-4 months of initial excitement, 99.9% of women will not say one day, ‘You know what, let’s forget this baby.. it’s too much work, I’m tired, I’m sick, I’m gaining weight.. let’s get done with child, I don’t want it anymore.’  Sure they may say it jokingly, but rarely will anyone ever give up their pregnancy because it got unpleasant.  They stick with the remaining months simply because they want to birth an amazing creation into this world.  If we all took this attitude of sticking to our commitments to birth a superior version of ourselves into this world, think of how absolutely blissful this world would be.

There are no shortcuts

The gestation period of birthing a creation through sadhana is important for a few reasons.  The first reason is that it pushes us and prepares us to become ready for what we want to create.  When we seek to transform ourselves, where we are (point A) in the present, and where we want to be (Point B) has a wide gap in between.  The time that it takes to travel and effort put in to take oneself the distance is super important.

We’ve witnessed countless times where a couple or an individual wins the lottery and raking in a big jackpot of millions of dollars.  A few years or even a few months down the line, we witness those same people going into debt or making poor financial decisions which rid them of their once abundant wealth.  Why is this?  It’s because they made the jump from Point A to Point B in an instance, or in other words took a shortcut.  Hence they weren’t prepared nor were they ready to be the owner to millions of dollars.  As a result, it goes away quick.

Yet, we’ve also seen successful millionaire’s who earned their wealth go bankrupt and even if they go back to pennies, in a few years they are back in successful ventures.  This is because they worked for their wealth and prepared themselves for success, and even if it was taken away, they already have gone through that sadhana to make it easier for them to get back to that point the second time around.

Secondly, sadhana builds upon our courage and confidence in each step we take towards our goal.  We can say that for a woman who is pregnant with her second child is much more composed and cool when it comes to birthing a baby than she was the first time around.  Yet the joy of having baby #2 is just as amazing and awesome as having a baby for the first time.  This is simply because it’s birthing a creation that never was before and just that in itself is ridiculously great.

So when we want to give birth to our dreams and our visions, it’s important to recognize that the more lessons we learn through our sadhana, the greater the creation becomes and the better we are able to create even greater things through that creation.

Have you ever tried to push or slide a big and bulky stationary object like a car stuck in snow?  Do you recall how much energy and exertion it required to even budge that vehicle a tiny bit?  It’s as if we have to muster every single molecule of energy in our body to create movement.  Yet once that car starts moving, we’re able to push with less effort and create more movement or distance.  As the car starts generating more and more momentum out of the snow, it feels like we can create extra movement with less exertion on our part.

This reminds me of Space Shuttle launches as well. Why? you may ask. It’s simply because each time I visualize a space shuttle lifting off, I remember how much force and energy it takes for the shuttle to actually get off the ground. If you’ve ever seen a take-off, you know that in the first few moments even though the jets are firing at full blast, it appears that the space shuttle is barely moving. Even as the shuttle is a few hundred feet off the ground it’s still moving relatively slowly into the air. Yet only when the shuttle gets high off the ground does it really start to kick it into gear. Eventually, after the shuttle gains good momentum and can handle itself, it drops the propulsion jets that it needed for lifting off into the ocean.

This idea of momentum applies very much to our lives as well.  We all know and have certainly experienced ourselves in a position of starting something new or initiating steps towards a goal.  Because we really don’t have any momentum during the first phase of a project, it can indeed feel overwhelming and burdensome and almost like pushing against an immovable car.

This is natural and it’s close enough to being a law of how things work in the Universe.  Many times I’ve given up on something simply because it was just too damn hard to bring about the momentum that would cater to better progress.   Heck even writing this blog post is a struggle as I’m starting afresh with no momentum in this writing habit I’m looking to adopt.  However, with a better understanding and a touch of self-discipline we can burst through this inertia by creating a state of flow, and generating a space of abundant creativity.

In an earlier video blog, Don’t Be the Change, I spoke about how any of us can experience change, yet to truly transform ourselves, we must go against the forces pulling us down.  At worst, creating momentum may even feel like a terrible chore, and we can fall victim to that voice within that just says, “why even bother, forget about it and relax”.  And if you’ve ever had this voice kick in, you know it’s soooo tempting to listen to it.  Rory Vaden, author of “Take the Stairs: 7 Steps to Achieving True Success” wrote something that really struck me.  He indicated that “Successful people have all had to do things they didn’t feel like doing in order to get where they are.”

All of us have to go against this powerful pull of doing nothing.  Our inner Spirit can only shine when the handcuffs of inertia, laziness, and procrastination are released.  Our creativity demands that we take that step.  Keep moving.  Continue to Flow.  And experience the wonder of this graceful movement towards who we truly are.